There was a time when my kids were very small that I said no to almost everything. It wasn’t purposeful. I didn’t wake up and decide that no was the best default option for us. Looking back, I think I said no because it felt less stressful, more manageable in our busy day and definitely less risky. But at some point, I noticed a friend who always said yes. Now, let me clarify. She didn’t say yes to everything ever asked of her, but when someone (whether a friend, coworker or one of her kids) invited her into something new, you knew she was going to approach it with an open mind. She was intentional about how she spent her time, but you could tell from her tone, attitude and even posture that she was willing to jump in — and she wouldn’t let a possible mess, some discomfort or the fact that she didn’t have any idea what she was doing stop her. So I took some cues from my friend, and I began leaning in when my kids approached me with a question or idea, rather than shaking my head no before the question was even formed. It was a physical adjustment that literally made me more approachable. I started considering what we could do, rather than focusing on what we couldn’t, and I stopped holding us back from things I hadn’t even considered.

Here are a few things I learned from my “Say Yes” friend:

Having a yes mindset makes you a better listener because you’ll listen to the whole idea, not just a little of it. Even if you ultimately say no, you have learned something and thought it through.

Saying yes encourages others to say yes too. When I started leaning in, listening and saying yes more often, I noticed my husband and my kids doing the same thing.

“No” stops the conversation. “Yes” keeps it going. It empowers the one talking and the one listening. The problem with starting at no is that it shuts down the conversation. It shuts down ideas and creativity and even connection. It shuts down the possibilities for us and those around us. But starting with yes is energizing and empowering, whether you end at yes or not.

Having a healthy yes mindset doesn’t mean you feel pressured into agreeing to every little request that comes your way. There are some instances where saying no is the right decision. In those moments, we have to trust our gut. But a yes mindset means you lean in, listen well and trust yourself to make solid decisions and say yes to the things that will benefit you and your family, teach you all something, support your own growth and allow you to have a whole lot of fun.