We teach our children to say thank you to someone for a quick favor or a helping hand; but it takes a lot of intention and a little humility to acknowledge those who have truly made a significant difference in our life. 

When I was a young mother, new to leadership, a woman took an interest in me. She whispered helpful hints into my ear, applauded my efforts in front of others and spoke positive words over my children and my marriage. She looked me in the eye and said, “You’re good at this. You made the right choice. You are making a difference.” She drowned out the negative words I would say to myself, generously and graciously heaping valuable time and loving words all around me.

Your life story, like mine, includes characters who have molded your ideas and morals, fostered your mothering style, and inspired your leadership. Who are the people who have spoken into your life? 

• Who believes in you? Sometimes all you need to keep going is to hear someone say, “You are brave. I know you can do this.”
• Who inspires you to love or do more? Think about someone whose actions or attitudes make you lean forward and say, “I need more of THAT in my life.” 
• Who taught you to do something new? Has someone along the way given you a new idea, taught you a skill or helped you understand the world better? 
• Who has supported you or your family? Whose practical help has provided the foundation you needed to follow your passion? There may be someone who has invested time and energy in your children or husband; or may have helped you carry a load so you could step into something big. 

You have people all around you who have contributed to your life. Make sure they know the impact they’ve had on you.

For a long time, when I heard the word “hospitality,” I thought about all the wrong things. I thought about beautiful table-settings, impressive chef-prepared dinners and the delectable desserts featured in magazines. I imagined elaborate gatherings filled with smiling people and hostesses floating through the room. But, that is not what real hospitality is. I was confusing hospitality with entertaining.  We miss something significant when we equate hospitality with entertaining. We get caught up in our culture’s false definition of hospitality, and we begin to think it is all about dinner invitations and etiquette, clean homes and casseroles, or dazzling displays of flowers and desserts.  

The Greek word for hospitality is philoxenos. Phileo meaning “brotherly love,” and xenos for “strangers.” God’s original design for hospitality is extending ourselves in love to strangers.  It is not just about hosting dinner parties on special occasions with people we know, or hosting a small group with just our friends. We need to be thinking about the person who is not there yet. How can we prepare for her? How can we invite her? How can we welcome her when she is brave enough to come?  

I work with an organization called MOPS – Mothers of Preschoolers. We are committed to creating safe, welcoming spaces for moms. This is what hospitality looks like at MOPS:  We extend an invitation and then greet each woman with a smile that lets her know we have been waiting for her. We get to know her and give her a place where she belongs. We meet her immediate needs and after getting to know her and building trust, we have the opportunity to show her that her greatest need is Jesus – either more of him if she already knows him, or to meet him for the first time. 

Creating a hospitable space doesn’t just happen without some thought and planning. But, as we plan for all the practical pieces, we must embrace a hospitable posture that welcomes the woman we don’t know yet. Consider these questions to get you started:  

1. What is their first impression? What does each person see, hear, and feel when she walks in? Many will make a decision about whether they will return to your group in the first seven minutes of their time there. They decide based on how they felt when they walked through the door.  

2. What are their points of connection? If you can make four points of connection with each person that comes through the door, she is more likely to return. Can you connect twice in the first seven minutes, once during the discussion part of your small group and once between meetings? If you can, she is far more likely to return, and invite a friend.  

We still have to consider the “entertainment” elements of the meeting because the table we set for others tells them we’ve planned for them and we’re excited to see them. But the table without your heart of hospitality is useless. Hospitality is about the people at the table. It’s about the conversation and the connections. Let’s not just invite people to the table. Let’s invite them to relationships. If everything we do is rooted in this kind of hospitality, then it will be enough – it will be more than enough. 

Leadership experts say that curiosity is one of the most important leadership qualities – its right up there with integrity and vision. Showing genuine curiosity about other people is the best way to strengthen relationships, whether it’s the relationship with your husband, others that live in your house or people in your neighborhood.

We are curious for several reasons:

• We want to learn more. We like the trivia of life.
• We want to improve something.
• We want to connect with other people.

Curious leaders will:

Set aside what they think they know. Every now and then what we think we know gets in the way of our productivity and personal growth. A curious leader sincerely cares about where others have been and what they know. She knows that learning something new may challenge her beliefs or assumptions, and she’s willing to let that happen.

Foster a curious environment. Encourage those around you to ask questions and share their own ideas. Allow others the opportunity to get curious and search for solutions.

Be inwardly curious. Being externally curious makes you a good leader. You spend time focusing on those you serve alongside and the people you are serving together. But it is important to turn your curiosity inward every now and then. Be curious enough to answer a few questions about yourself.

1. How curious are you? Rate yourself.
2. Am I making a difference? Not “are you changing the world?” But are your actions, in your home and community, contributing to the betterment of those around you? If not, then you need to become curious about how to make some meaningful changes.
3. Is my curiosity starting conversations? Is my lack or curiosity shutting them down?

Albert Einstein said, “I have no special talents, I am only passionately curious.” Passionate curiosity fosters collaboration, allows us to see alternatives and be fascinated by all the possibilities.